Crabtree and Evelyn Goes Under

The purveyor of old lady soaps and lotions filed Chapter 11 yesterday, according to WWD. I suspect the reason is not the bad economy, but one of the following:

1.) It's a beauty business with the word "crab" in it's name
2.) Their target demographic is old ladies, and they totally die

Highest Paid Models in the Biz

Not eating food is clearly among the most sought-after skills in today's society. No?


Forbes.com 10 highest-earning models June 2008-June 2009

1. Gisele Bundchen - $31 million
2. Heidi Klum - $20 million
3. Kate Moss - $10.5 million
4. Adriana Lima - $10 million
5. Doutzen Kroes - $7.5 million
6. Alessandra Ambrosio - $7.5 million
7. Natalia Vodianova - $6.8 million
8. Daria Werbowy - $5.6 million
9. Miranda Kerr - $3.75 million
10. Carolyn Murphy - $3.75 million

Yet Another American Apparel Lawsuit

I guess Dov Charney wasn't sure if everyone knew American Apparel was run by a sleazy Jewish pervert, so he put these billboards up for about a week, and then fellow sleazy Jewish pervert Woody Allen got pissed and now he's suing?

Jane Cosmetics Bellies Up

Cheapie drugstore makeup brand Jane. has filed for Chapter 11, according to WWD.

Bummer - I never really wore anything but this one coral-colored blush that they made (finding an oil-free blush is daunting), but it was a damn good blush before I lost it in my car.

I guess if you were a fan, it might be a good idea to hit Rite Aid and clean them out right about now.

Calvin Klein: Too Slutty for TV Again

On the heels of last year's naked Eva Mendes commercial - which made TV network execs' balls hurt at just the thought of airing it - they've created another for-internet-only commercial.

I have to ask, in the 2 girls and a guy shots, wtf is the girl on the edge of the couch getting out of that situation? She's pretty much just balanced there squashing her own boobs. Looks like fun!

A 2-in-1 Crime

[LEFT: Forever 21 leggings. RIGHT: Something I wore when my mom dressed me]

So... these puppies (above) popped up on Forever21.com today. A few months ago when they started selling STIRRUP leggings (which should only be worn if you are atop a horse) I held my tongue. Now they've gone too far.

The leggings trend is easy, comfortable and fairly cute (so long as your top is long enough to cover your cha-cha) but I draw the line at the built in skirt. I rocked this look in the third grade. Third grade is pretty much the cutoff point after which someone should shove a "you are too tall for this ride" sign in your face if you even go near the rack. Because, really? It just sends the message that you aren't savvy enough to match your leggings to your skirt without factory assistance, and that is just sad.

Victoria Jackson Street Attack

Let me preface this by saying I don't live in an affluent neighborhood. I have a really cute place and everything, but for the most part my outlying neighbors are blue collar workers and illegal immigrants. So when I was accosted on the street this morning by two pretty, body-spray doused girls hawking pricy makeup as I passed a filthy Dunkin' Donuts and the office of one of those TV commercial lawyers they spoof on The Simpsons, I was a little suprised by their choice of hunting grounds.

"We're doing a promotion for Victoria Jackson Makeup today, did you get yours?" the fast-talking one asks me.
"Nope." (Wait isn't Victoria Jackson that lady who used to be on SNL? I thought. I Googled and apparently its another VJ. With a shabby-ass homemade website who used to sell on QVC.)
She shoves a gift bag into my hand. Free stuff? Okay.
"Shes a big hollywood makeup artist. Look at this stuff -pretty right? Well if you buy this today you can have it for 80% off and we'll give you her entire collection free."
Holy shit she didn't even stop to breathe. Wait, what? I thought this was a promotional gift bag!
"Uh, no thanks."
"Okay." Then she rips the gift bag out of my hand.

As I walked away, all I could think about was, what if I had just taken the bag and kept walking before she could continue? And has anyone ever refused to give the bag back? Whoever thought of this sales approach was just asking to get robbed or hit.
And now I'm pissed because just from touching the bag I smell like the girl's body spray.

What Would Tim Gunn Say?

Word has it she designed this herself? Looks like she did!
What I wouldn't give to see Michael, Heidi and Nina weigh in.

Atlanta Pants Pirates

Not that I'd typically advise anyone to purchase items out of the back of a van or from the inside of some guys trenchcoat, but this just a special warning for anyone looking to make shady purchases in/from Atlanta...

Apparently 50 stores have been robbed this year by area gangs who are looking for...not sneakers...not jewelry...but True Religion (of super-cute butt-pockets fame) and Rock and Republic jeans. Windows have been broken, clerks maced and punched, and at least a million worth of $200 denim has been lifted. The thieves are reselling the jeans for around $70.

I love a bargain, but in the name of pseudo-civilized behavior, hit BlueFly!
Other places to pick up designer denim on sale:
Overstock.com
RevolveClothing.com
ShopLAStyle.com

Rolling Stone Does Macy's

Rolling Stone, the most famous and most craptastic music rag on the market (I'm pretty sure Peter Travers will give anyone "4-stars!" in exchange for a piece of gum) must be desperate for cash.
Soon you'll be able to buy their most famous covers in t-shirt form at Macy's for $36.

If you think that's pricy for a tee, know that you do get a free subscription when you buy. It's really a 2-for-1 bargain - you get to look like a tool for wearing an ugly shirt and look like a tool for reading Rolling Stone.

Yves Saint Laurent Dies

French fashion icon Yves Saint Laurent died Sunday night of brain cancer at the age of 71.
He retired in 2002, so the brand of course lives on, but if you want to see how ridiculously talented he was when he was still working, check out some of his vintage designs. He headed up the design department for Dior back in the late 50's- early 60's, and then moved on to his own label in 1962.
One of his most famous creations was the 60's shift dress inspired by Mondrian's paintings:

THIS is What Happens in Vegas...

To see America at its finest, I would suggest visiting Las Vegas. Fashion-wise, it is a land where women have the right to wear a size XX-small halter-top no matter what their bust size. (God bless side cleavage.)

For those who love glamor and, most importantly, for those who love trashy glamor, I would suggest Bally's Paris Promenade and Le Boulevard. Some of the stores do feature French designers. There are other French accessories, such as an array of business cards offering suitors a night with "La Prostitute".


From wedding dresses to exquisite(ly cheaply made but expensive) flapper dresses, window-shopping on Le Boulevard is way better than spending $50.00 at the Liberace Museum.

I didn't go into Versace for fear my excessive viewing of Showgirls may lead to my embarrassment of pronouncing the store Ver-SAY-ss. However, I did manage to make a fool out of myself in other respects in Sin City. If only Chlamydia stayed in Vegas, as well...

Cheap Clothes for Rich Folks

Word has it the Rogan Gregory for Target collection is going to go on sale at Barney's New York for a few days before it hits Target stores. Seriously, did they have to find a way to let the rich people one-up us even on ghetto-priced designer collections? Or are they honestly inviting sweatpant-clad Target shoppers with scrunchies in their hair to wander around inside Barney's? (I can't imagine Barney's shoppers will be happy to have to share with the untouchables...)

Barney's, btw, also sells Gregory's "real" clothes. I'm amazed they aren't concerned that rich people might look at $15 items and $300 items side by side and suddenly realize they are idiots because both cost about 35 cents to make. Then what would become of the label-based fashion social structure?!
Apparently, Barney's maintains confidence in the stupidity of rich people.

Grain of Salt Required

US Weekly has named MTV reali-tard Lauren Conrad "celebrity designer of the year."
Conrad just put out her first collection this year, comprised of plain jersey dresses she copied from the racks of Forever 21 and marked up 300 percent.
Milla Jovovich should be pissed. Diddy must be fuming. And Jaclyn Smith must be rolling in her... oh wait. Sorry.

Nice Try

Lord and Taylor conducted a model search in a bid to "modernize" their image (uh, how about start with a new name? The only thing that could possibly make L&T less cool would be a "Ye Olde" thrown on the front of it...) and came up with these 12 finalists. Two winners will be chosen, and none will be given a modeling contract.

Bad News for Macy's Peeps

While not yet pulling a Filene's, Macy's is struggling in this "tough sales climate." They're going to be downsizing to the tune of 2,550 positions and 9 store closings, according to Women's Wear Daily.
Ouch.

My Teddy's Name is Uncle Karl

German stuffed animal company Steiff is said to be producing a teddy bear version of iconic fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld (he of the gloves and the fans and the dark glasses that never come off.) This is a sketch of the bear, which does not look to have one of the key Lagerfeld attributes - a long white ponytail. Seriously, if you're going to turn gay men into children's toys, why skimp on the fun stuff?
No word on how much a Lagerfeld bear will go for, but it's safe to assume it'll be a rather costly gag gift.

Cola Wars on the Runway

Welcome to the Coke side of fashion...

For reasons unknown, Coca-Cola designed a horrendous line of clothing that they were too ashamed to show during a reputable fashion week like those in New York or Paris. They instead flashed it like a shy sorority slut's boobs to the people of Rio.
Not to be outdone, Pepsi said they were totally going to do that too. No word yet on where they're hoping to show, but I imagine Fashion Week Mongolia is on the list.

Burberry Proves Many Rich People Are Idiots

The "Warrior": Not a car.

Burberry's "Warrior" bag-- priced at $22,000 (nope, not a typo)-- is all the rage with the obscenely rich for the coming spring. According to today's Women's Wear Daily, the bag isn't in stores for another month, but there's already a waiting list. The cheapest version, in plain leather, will run you $3,150.
The Warrior is part of an "ultraluxe" line that currently includes three other styles, all equally as pricy.
My question is- when you carry a bag that expensive, what can you actually feel comfortable carrying around in it? I wouldn't tote my dirty soul in a $22,000 bag, let alone accident-waiting-to-happen purse staples like pens, makeup and gum.

Blackwell's Senile Thoughts

3-million-year-old tanorexic fashion castoff "Mr. Blackwell" released his annual slams and accolades list today. He's been writing this bitchy-but-not-witty bullshit for 48 years now, and I'm pretty sure the only reason people still pretend to care is because he releases it during fashion's slow news season, and because they know it won't be long till he's found dead in a soiled adult diaper anyway, so why hurt his feelings?

Among his top ten best: Nicole Kidman, Cate Blanchett, Reese Witherspoon, Jemima Khan, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce, Helen Mirren, Katie Holmes, Katherine Heigl and Kate Middleton.
Among his worst: Amy Winehouse, MK Olsen, Kelly Clarkson, Lindsay Lohan, Avril Lavigne, Eva Green, Jessica Simpson and --topping the list-- Posh Beckham.

- Jolie wears black every day with a pair of aviator glasses. That qualifies for best dressed? Oh wait, she's probably mourning for Africa or some shit right? I guess that is fashionable.
- Beyonce never looks like anything but a Christmas ornament because she lets her fame-whoring mother design her outfits. That's not style, that's abuse.
- Katie Holmes is a "best" and Posh is the "worst?" Did he miss the memo? Katie is Posh's personal dress up doll. They're practically the same robot. He probably only put Katie on so the Scientologists wouldn't put a hit out on his wrinkly ass.
- Sloppy or not, Mary Kate Olsen takes risk after risk and she rocks it all like she doesn't give a fuck. To me, nothing is more stylish than a devil-may-care dresser.

But who can expect a good list from an old gay who thinks orange is an acceptable color to be?